Wake Up made it to the funnies! Thanks Jerry King.

MEET PHILIP AND MARY!

Follow the ongoing saga of our friends Philip & Mary

TOP WAYS HE LETS US DOWN EASY

You’ll replay these lines for months — in your head… over brunch with the girls... watching reruns of bad Meg Ryan movies for the tenth time. But should you believe them? We report. You decide.

1. You've become my best friend.

2. It hurts me as well...we're in this together...even apart.

3. You're like a sister to me... it just feels different.

4. The hottest relationships can seem so cold in the end.

5. It was easy falling in love and that's why it's so hard to say goodbye.

6. Love should be unconditional & I just don't want to prolong what can't happen.

7. Don't focus on what you could have done because it's not you - or me - it's just us.

8. It's not you. It's your Mom.

9. I'm just not ready to be with someone as special as you.

10. I just can't do it anymore.

11. We can still be friends.

12. I'm just not ready to be with someone as special as you.

13. You really deserve better.

Feel good about being Single!

1. You'll find it when you're not looking.

2. When you're ready, it will come.

3. He's out there just waiting to meet you.

4. Being single is so much more fun!

5. This is time to focus on yourself...and your career!

6. You have to love yourself before someone else can love you.

7. Enjoy this time of freedom

8. It's better to be single then to settle.

9. Most married people are miserable.

10. You're such a catch- anybody would be lucky to have you!

and remember.... Just because he changed his Facebook status to "single" doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

Bad SEX excuses

1. There are other ways to be close.

2. Everything else is so good.

3. We're just both tired.

4. Snuggling is great in itself.

5. All relationships go thru dryspells.

6. Sex is over-rated

7. Everybody else is having a lot less sex then you think

8. Our relationship is more spiritual than physical

9. Most couples stop after a while.

10. You just had too much to drink

and remember... It's not you, it's me!

A TREASURE TROVE OF CLICHES

...but they wouldn't be cliches if they weren't true!

1. There are other fish in the sea.

2. You have to get right back on the horse!

3. It's better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.

4. You were waayyyyyy too good for him.

5. Your intelligence was too threatening.

6. If the two of you are meant to be, it will happen someday.

7. You're better off.

8. It's better you find out now then when you have kids.

9. I didn't want to tell you, but I never liked him.

10. What a great opportunity diet!

RED FLAGS

Sound the alarm when your man tries some of the oldest, and lamest, tricks and excuses in the book. Then kick his ass to the curb!

1. Quits calling every day.

2. Busy, busy, busy.

3. Sleeps at friends’ house.

4. You get voicemail all the time on his cell.

5. He's not where he said he'd be.

6. Your friends see him out at a club with "customers" or "clients."

7. Foreplay is a lost art.

8. Leaves after sex.

9. Only calls for drunken late night bootie calls.

10. Introduces you to a friend or another girl as "my friend."

10 WAYS TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER
AFTER A BREAK UP

You personally could stop after #s 1&2, but the rest of the list is pretty damn satisfying also! Take a few days and get back to us. We guarantee… you’ll feel better!

1. Ice cream

2. Toys

3. Banging his best friend

4. Shopping

5. Staying busy

6. Crying

7. Breaking things

8. Burning his pictures

9. Drinking heavily and being personally destructive

10. Take it one day at a time

TOP MISTAKES GIRLS MAKE
AFTER A BREAK UP

1. Reading old love letters.

2. Looking at old pictures or scrap books.

3. Calling his friends to find out why.

4. Rush into another relationship.

5. Stalk his house.

6. Tap into his voicemail.

7. Re-write the relationship in your head.

8. "Accidently" bump into him.

9. Sleep with him again

THINGS HE SECRETLY WANTS TO SAY
TO YOU BEFORE A BREAK UP

After a few stiff martinis, a completely unsatisfying “talk” and some very satisfying break-up sex (it’s always better when it’s your last time), you might hear him utter these words. Or not.

1. If you didn't put out so early I might of had something to fight for.

2. It’s not me, it's you.

3. Now that we don't do it whenever I want, I'd rather hang with the boys.

4. Outta beer, Outta here.

5. You were so easy it scares me to think of all the people you've been with.

6. I used to stick up for you when my friends said you were a bitch....

7. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I would be holding you back.