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10 Reasons My Dog Is Better Than My Ex
By Jeannie O'Conor

1. All my friends like my dog.

2. He doesn't ask, "Are you sure you want to eat/drink that?"

3. I don't have to give him blowjobs to keep him in a good mood.

4. He doesn't make me talk about politics.

5. I like his mother.

6. He doesn't spend an inexplicable 45 minutes on the toilet.

7. He watches Bravo shows with me without asking how I, with my Masters' degree, can watch such "drivel".

8. He doesn't get jealous when I hang out with my guy friends.

9. He asks for what he wants directly, rather than acting out passive aggressively.

10. He smells like Fritos.

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