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Dear John,

     I have known my boss for over one year and in that time we have gone out for drinks five times and each time we get a little intimate, kissing and cuddling, until he backs off and says he can't give me what I want. He is in a relationship but they are on a break at the moment. He also says he wishes he wasn't my boss, that he's never met anyone like me, that I'm gorgeous, and if it had been another time things would be different. He says that deep in his heart he doesn't really love his girlfriend but she has problems with depression so he sticks with her. Every time he breaks off our intimacy I stop texting or calling and then within two weeks he texts me or flirts with me, so I start asking him out again and he eventually backs off, but calls or texts me. I'm totally into him and feel he's the one and I don't feel like this with anyone else. He says it's only because I can't have him that I want him, but that's not true. He is in a band and has lots of friends and I just want to know why he keeps doing this, because it hurts me badly and part of me wants to move on. I can't leave my job but every time I see him it makes me want him again. Part of me thinks if we didn't work together and met in a different setting things would be different. I just feel so confused because I know he's trying to do the right thing at work and in his relationship; but he appears so unhappy, and when he sits and talks to me he seems happy and lost in me. I need some help to either get him to come running to me or just walk away completely, as in my mind I can't do this in-between stuff anymore. Thanks for listening.

Lost Over the Boss

Dear Lost Over the Boss
     There are two interpretations to your predicament. One is a wishful-thinking fairy-tale interpretation where you and boss man are seen as star-crossed lovers who in a just world would be kissing and cuddling happily ever after. And there is the realistic interpretation where you are viewed as a lonely, naive dreamer who's fallen for a selfish cad who cares little about your feelings. Care to guess which interpretation I'm leaning towards? It's important I talk straight here because obviously he won't. That's because in addition to his other loathsome qualities, this guy is a complete bullshit artist. What man tries to convince a woman she wants him only because she can't have him? Doesn't this statement make you mad? It makes me mad! Can't you see that it discounts your feelings while implying he has none of his own? If you care to look hard enough, you'll also see that it shows he is thankful for the obstacles between you, as he points them out to you every chance he gets.

So no flowery, beat around the bush, speech from me. It's time you see the florist from the bees. Simply put, this guy is a heartless, self-centered manipulating prick who's found a gullible girl who believes his buzz and strokes his ego. I only hope his ego is all you've been stroking; or do his moralistic lamentations of not being able to give you what you want come immediately after you've given him what he wants?

What I like least about this creep is how he touts himself as a stand-up guy while doing everything he can to keep you pining for him. He breaks the petting sessions short, yet comes right back and says you're gorgeous and begs for more petting. What's up with that? Maybe he's impotent and things are left short because, well, things are left short.

The fact is, if he were truly concerned about crossing the boss/employee line, he wouldn't be texting and calling and cuddling and kissing. His words just don't add up.

Worst of all, he boasts of staying with his girlfriend solely because she is depressed, as if this is some merit badge-worthy achievement on his part. Yet he bad mouths this very same girl and cheats on her with you! This guy is too much! He says exactly enough to keep you coming back, with statements designed to keep you apart. Not to mention that all his words are designed to make him look like a saint. UGH!

I wonder if he and his girlfriend are even on a break, or if she's depressed. If she is, it's probably from being with this loser too long.

I don't know, Lost. Maybe you aren't used to hearing how gorgeous and unique you are, so you've let yourself be swayed by a man with a silver tongue, a tin heart, and possibly a broken penis. But deep down I think you know what needs to be done. Love may be blind, but it shouldn't also be dumb; it's time you smarten up.

My advice is dump boss man like three day old fish´┐Żand start screwing his band mates.

Thanks for playing,

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