Dear John,
I recently started dating again after a painful divorce. I've had dinner with a few guys, and one in particular caught my interest right away. We've had six dates and each has been better than the last. The sixth was best of all because we made love.
Needless to say, I am very into him. But it's hard to know his feelings for me. I don't know a whole lot about him and want to be cautious after my divorce. I'm fearful of being played. How can I tell how serious he is?
Signed,
Play ball, Scarecrow?
I'd like to tell you to trust your instincts here, but trusting your instincts about love and romance is a risky proposition. Lovesick fools are frequently foolish, and hopeless romantics are often hopeless. Therefore, I suggest first and foremost you communicate with this guy. Without giving away the mystery of your budding relationship, indicate your feelings and ask about his toward you.
That being said, you need not worry about him being a player. Players don't wait six dates. They wait six hours. A player who waits six dates to make a play is laughed out of the Player's Union.
But the question remains, how can you tell if his answers will match his true feelings?
To measure his sincerity, communicate with yourself as much as with him. Ask yourself if he makes time for you and includes you in his daily life. Does he introduce you to his family and friends? Does he respect you and your opinions? Is he open and candid with you?
If the answers to these questions are yes, you are in clover. If not, Scarecrow, you're probably just a roll in the hay.
Thanks for playing,
John
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