Dear John,
I've been dating a guy for four years and we have a beautiful daughter together. Eight months ago he started working far from home and is gone three weeks out of every month. At some point I met a guy online, but it wasn't anything serious. We got together in person, but only to play PlayStation or chill out. I must have given him the wrong impression because when I eventually tried to end it he got upset. He said he loved me, even though he knew I had a boyfriend. Now he has introduced himself to my boyfriend and harasses him by telling lies about us. I don't know what to do. I've stopped talking to him but he keeps saying things to my boyfriend. Please give me some good advice.
Signed,
Talk is Cheap
If it's been a while since you've seen When Harry Met Sally, let me catch you up. Guys are incapable of being "just friends" with girls. That's because girls have vaginas, which is the exact place most guys like to house their penis. At some point during your platonic relationship, your pal must have remembered this.
But let's get real here. Striking up a clandestine "friendship" with a guy while your boyfriend is gone for long stretches of time is like striking a match in a forest after a long stretch of dry weather. No matter how careful you are, you are nonetheless playing with fire; and sparks fly when you play with fire.
At the very least, you were guilty of poor judgment. I commend you for eventually trying to end it, but by that time the relationship had heated up to a point where simmering it down got a lukewarm reception.
The only way out of this bushfire is with honesty, which starts with being honest to yourself. Understand your motivation for entering into an online chat in the first place, and acknowledge your roll in the close relationship that developed.
Once you own up to your part, be forthright with your boyfriend. If he is currently inclined to believe your friend over you, it is because you had kept him in the dark about the relationship; therefore, it is imperative to be honest now.
Life is funny in that the more honest we are, the more believable we become. So give it a try. It's your best shot at pulling your butt from the fire.
Thanks for playing,
John
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