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Dear John,

     I had never been in love before. I had cared for guys over the years, but at twenty-five I hadn't loved any of them. Then I met someone so sweet and charming that we became serious right away. He moved in and we got engaged within four months of meeting. We've now been engaged for a year and one month, until a week ago that is, when he ended it.

As far as I can tell, he dropped me because I simply asked him to help pay the rent. When we met, he had holes in his pants and no driver's license. He was making money, but hardly enough to cover his bills. He's more on his feet now.

Was I wrong for asking for rent money? I had washed and cooked and cleaned and paid all the bills for a year. He used to help out a little, but stopped doing that after a while.

Not Made to be a Maid

Dear Not Made to be a Maid
     Simply put, you were not wrong for asking for help; you were wrong for not asking for help earlier.

If a woman feels like a maid in her relationship, there's something wrong with the relationship. Partners should be expected to pull their own weight; they should feel appreciated, and be appreciative of the other. This doesn't mean they each need to make equal monetary contributions, or they each must wash, cook and clean. It means they split the responsibilities in an equitable, agreed upon way that best suits the partnership.

Your ex comes across as little more than a holey-panted, driver's license-less freeloader. Which leads me to question his motives for being so charming in the first place. Fortunately, you were smart enough to see (in due course) the inequity of your relationship, and were strong enough (in the end) to not put up with his sponging (forever).

If your first taste of love wasn't the fairy tale you had envisioned, don't let it sour you on the concept. Through this experience you have learned that you are not a maid, but were made to love.

Thanks for playing,

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