Dear John,
I met a guy who promised to love and care for me after my breakup with my husband. We had sex a couple of times, then he stopped wanting it as much. He gave excuses that he was too busy.
Up until then, whenever he came around he was always in the mood. But he was also in a hurry to leave after, so we never had concrete conversations. I felt okay about the arrangement because he called regularly afterwards and we exchanged text messages.
Suddenly, he's stopped calling and texting too, and now I feel bad. I pray nightly that he will call. How can I ease my pain of feeling dumped?
Signed,
In the Dumps
I don't want to kick a girl when she's down, but talking straight about the unhealthy picture you've painted might motivate you to stand on your own two feet again.
You were on the rebound and gave a guy sex. You believed his promise to love you, even though you never had concrete conversations with him. You felt okay that he left abruptly afterwards, simply because he called later. Now you pray he'll call again, though he's withheld sex and communication and hasn't loved you the way he said he would. Why pray for his call? So you can be treated even worse in the future?
Your letter gives the impression that your sole purpose in the relationship was to provide sex. If that's the case, you can't expect respect, and you can't expect your partner to stay beside you after being on top of you.
How do you ease the pain of being dumped? By realizing that you are better than the picture you've painted.
Maybe what's needed is less prayer for a call from him, and more of a call to action by you. Be proactive by doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Take a class, discover yoga, write a poem...whatever it is, focus on you and what you have to offer. As you gain more confidence and self respect, I'm confident that your next guy will respect you more, too.
Thanks for playing,
John
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