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Dear John,

     On two occasions I've been on the receiving end of the phrase, "It's not you, it's me." The circumstances of the break ups were different and the guys' personalities were different, yet both used the same line. It makes me wonder what's really meant by, "It's not you, it's me"?

Is it Me?

Dear Is it Me?
     If a guy tells you, "It's not you, it's me" he could mean, "You're a nice girl and I'm not worthy," or he could mean, "I'm a nice guy and you are psycho." Or he could mean you're just not right for each other. The fact is, the line is usually a substitute for true confession and belongs in the Lame Break-Up Excuses Hall of Fame, right along with "It's just bad timing," "You're too good for me," and "I don't want to date anybody right now."

These phrases should be taken with a grain of salt. After all, how often has a jilted lover heard, "I don't want to date anybody right now," only to learn days later that her ex's slippers are already parked under somebody else's bed?

Sometimes people say things to protect the jilted person's feelings; other times the jilter wants to protect his own shameful thoughts; still other times it's simply an attempt to bow out of a relationship with as little explanation as possible. The point is, you shouldn't take the lines too seriously.

Then again, while it may be wishful thinking to believe these cliches, wishful thinking can be exactly what is needed to get over the pain of a break up. With that in mind, I am sure that in your instances it was them and not you. And I am also quite certain that you are far too good for them.

Thanks for playing,

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