Dear John,
My girlfriend is bi-polar. She has cheated on me many times and once let a guy drive my car, but he actually stole it. She has taken money from me and has lied to me on many occasions. Soon she'll be getting out of the psych ward for the fourth time this year and wants to work things out between us. I'm 50/50 because I love her but I'm tired of having my heart broken. What do you suggest?
Signed,
True, But blue
You're 50/50? Seriously? On the fence about this one? Call me insensitive, but after the first several times being cheated on, lied to and stolen from, I might have thrown in the towel. But hey, maybe that's just me being insensitive.
I understand she is bi-polar. I understand the implications of being in a psych ward four times. But neither of those things gives her license to do what she's done.
Obviously you are an understanding person. You have the patience of a saint. You forgive to a fault. And what have these traits gotten you? A girlfriend who lets her boyfriend steal your car. I can't help wondering if her bad behavior is due at least in part to thinking she can get away with whatever she does to you. When will you say enough is enough?
I commend your loyalty, and your hopefulness, and wanting to do right by her. But are you loyal because you are desperate? Are you hopeful because you don't feel deserving of better treatment? Are you doing right by her solely because breaking up would make you feel guilty? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, it's time to move on.
If you honestly love her and feel she loves you too and is capable of making the changes necessary for your relationship to work, then maybe, just maybe, give her one last shot. But the next time her boyfriend steals your car, it's time to walk.
Thanks for playing,
John
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