Dear John,
Several months ago my boyfriend told me he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. He said I was hanging around him too much, which made no sense because he hung around me all summer.
What kills me is I still can't forget about him. He is always on my mind and I hate the idea of not being with him. A few days ago I noticed a missed call that might have been from him, but no voice mail was left. I have no idea how he's handling our break up, and that kills me the most.
I'd like to think he had genuine feelings for me and still has feelings for me. At night I cry myself to sleep wishing I could see him just one last time. I don't know if seeing him is a good idea, but it's hard getting over the relationship without having closure. I am starting to think that calling him might be a good way to get passed my constant thoughts of him. Do you agree?
Signed,
Humpty Dumpty
Breaking up is mentally taxing because everything unknown becomes magnified. The less we know, the more we wonder. Is my ex sad like I am? Is he thinking of me? Did he even like me? Answering these questions is not as important as realizing that the answers are no longer important.
I'm sure you could come up with a hundred reasons why contacting your ex is a good idea. But having to rationalize an action is a good indication that the action isn't rational. In order to grow, you must let go. Seeing your ex "one last time" will only produce a longing to see him one last time after that, so what's the point?
As much as you want closure, you already have it. Your relationship is over. Case closed. Therefore, try to put a positive spin on the past, and lock it away.
Admittedly, this is easier said than done, but there is no arguing that the best way to move past the past is to be present in the present. Only then will you be able to pursue what's really important: a future with somebody else.
Thanks for playing,
John
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