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Dear John,

     My longtime boyfriend broke up with me a month before our second anniversary. He said he needed time away because I'm an inconvenience and a source of stress due to all our fighting. But he never understood why I got mad because he refused to hear me out! All through the ups and downs I held on. Then suddenly, this break up happens. It is so painful to realize that I've endured everything for him but he can't do the same for me. He says he's coming back when he's cleared his mind, but should I wait for him after all the pain he's put me through?

Go Now

Dear Go Now
     The relationship you describe sounds dissatisfying to you both. Was there joy in it? Was there genuine love between you? If so, it doesn't come across in your letter.

Considering the stress you experienced, getting some distance isn't a bad idea. Your curious statement about being pained for having endured everything for him while he couldn't do the same for you leads me to wonder if you're upset that he broke up, or broke up first.

With him away clearing his mind, I suggest you do the same. Consider the role you played in the relationship's dysfunction, and ask yourself if the happiness you shared together was worth the pain you both inflicted. Maybe you'll come to realize that you deserve a less volatile, more mature relationship, and the way to get it is by being less volatile and more mature.

You and your ex shared the responsibility for the tenor of your relationship, but by noting your own role in the discord you'll be better prepared to make a more harmonious duet next time. Whether it is with him or with somebody else, I'm confident that you and your partner can sing beautiful music together, if you truly want to.

Thanks for playing,

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