Dear John,
I'm sure this will be one of the more pathetic stories you've heard, but here goes! I basically set myself up to get hurt by entering into a f**k buddy relationship and guess what? Now I'm hurt! I met him online and thought I just wanted some fun with someone. We met first in a pub to see if we clicked, and then I saw him twice after that for sex. I then decided not to continue with the situation as I knew I was developing feelings and felt cheap after not hearing from him for two weeks. When he did text I told him the no strings attached thing wasn't for me as it made me feel cheap. He said he fancied me and didn't want to end it. He said he liked me for more than sex, but it wasn't the right time for him to get into a relationship. So for the last couple of weeks we have kept in touch as friends only. I never initiate texting, it is always him. He texted a couple of days ago and told me that he had been at a stag party and got laid. I am now gutted all over again! I really didn't need to know! I know I have no rights over him and I understand the rules of NSA but I'm upset that he had so little respect that he could tell me about another woman. How do I get over this? I've decided to not stay in touch but how do I get over feeling so cheap? I keep thinking he does want a relationship, just not with me!
Signed,
Feelin Cheap Ain't Easy
It sounds like you did things right in this "relationship". You knew the rules of the NSA game, and backed out when deeper feelings emerged. The situation made you feel cheap, so you stopped it. I commend you for listening to your conscience and knowing where your line is. Hell, I commend you for having a line.
Would you have felt less cheap by screwing somebody you had no chance of developing feelings for? I doubt it.
Beyond that, I disagree with your premise that he had no respect for you. He may not have wanted exclusivity, but at least he respected you enough to be honest. Would it have been better if he pretended he wanted to be exclusive and kept the stag party hook up in the dark? I doubt it.
As stated in an earlier column, the f**k buddy routine isn't for the faint of heart. Maybe you've determined it isn't for you; or maybe you've determined it is, just not with people you might actually grow fond of. Either way, don't let this blip ruin your confidence or make you feel cheap. If you really were cheap, you would not have felt cheap during this little episode
You are a woman with good instincts and have handled the situation well. Don't be too hard on yourself. Learn from the experience and move on. And keep listening to your conscience. It kept you on the straight and narrow before, and won't steer you wrong in the future.
Thanks for playing,
John
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