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Dear John,

     I have known my boss for over one year and in that time we have gone out for drinks five times and each time we get a little intimate, kissing and cuddling, until he backs off and says he can't give me what I want. He is in a relationship but they are on a break at the moment. He also says he wishes he wasn't my boss, that heís never met anyone like me, that Iím gorgeous, and if it had been another time things would be different. He says that deep in his heart he doesnít really love his girlfriend but she has problems with depression so he sticks with her. Every time he breaks off our intimacy I stop texting or calling and then within two weeks he texts me or flirts with me, so I start asking him out again and he eventually backs off, but calls or texts me. Iím totally into him and feel heís the one and I don't feel like this with anyone else. He says it's only because I can't have him that I want him, but that's not true. He is in a band and has lots of friends and I just want to know why he keeps doing this, because it hurts me badly and part of me wants to move on. I can't leave my job but every time I see him it makes me want him again. Part of me thinks if we didn't work together and met in a different setting things would be different. I just feel so confused because I know he's trying to do the right thing at work and in his relationship; but he appears so unhappy, and when he sits and talks to me he seems happy and lost in me. I need some help to either get him to come running to me or just walk away completely, as in my mind I can't do this in-between stuff anymore. Thanks for listening.

Signed,
Lost Over the Boss

Dear Lost Over the Boss
     There are two interpretations to your predicament. One is a wishful-thinking fairy-tale interpretation where you and boss man are seen as star-crossed lovers who in a just world would be kissing and cuddling happily ever after. And there is the realistic interpretation where you are viewed as a lonely, naive dreamer whoís fallen for a selfish cad who cares little about your feelings. Care to guess which interpretation Iím leaning towards? Itís important I talk straight here because obviously he wonít. Thatís because in addition to his other loathsome qualities, this guy is a complete bullshit artist. What man tries to convince a woman she wants him only because she canít have him? Doesnít this statement make you mad? It makes me mad! Canít you see that it discounts your feelings while implying he has none of his own? If you care to look hard enough, youíll also see that it shows he is thankful for the obstacles between you, as he points them out to you every chance he gets.

So no flowery, beat around the bush, speech from me. Itís time you see the florist from the bees. Simply put, this guy is a heartless, self-centered manipulating prick whoís found a gullible girl who believes his buzz and strokes his ego. I only hope his ego is all youíve been stroking; or do his moralistic lamentations of not being able to give you what you want come immediately after youíve given him what he wants?

What I like least about this creep is how he touts himself as a stand-up guy while doing everything he can to keep you pining for him. He breaks the petting sessions short, yet comes right back and says youíre gorgeous and begs for more petting. Whatís up with that? Maybe heís impotent and things are left short because, well, things are left short.

The fact is, if he were truly concerned about crossing the boss/employee line, he wouldnít be texting and calling and cuddling and kissing. His words just donít add up.

Worst of all, he boasts of staying with his girlfriend solely because she is depressed, as if this is some merit badge-worthy achievement on his part. Yet he bad mouths this very same girl and cheats on her with you! This guy is too much! He says exactly enough to keep you coming back, with statements designed to keep you apart. Not to mention that all his words are designed to make him look like a saint. UGH!

I wonder if he and his girlfriend are even on a break, or if sheís depressed. If she is, itís probably from being with this loser too long.

I donít know, Lost. Maybe you arenít used to hearing how gorgeous and unique you are, so youíve let yourself be swayed by a man with a silver tongue, a tin heart, and possibly a broken penis. But deep down I think you know what needs to be done. Love may be blind, but it shouldnít also be dumb; itís time you smarten up.

My advice is dump boss man like three day old fishÖand start screwing his band mates.

Thanks for playing,
John



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