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Dear John,

     My boyfriend and I had been going out for almost a year…until he dumped me 3 weeks ago. He thought I was being dramatic over the little things he did, like flirting with girls; but I only did that because I didn’t want him cheating on me! So now I’m more depressed than ever, wishing he would come back to me. Any ideas on what I should do, or how to get him back?

Signed,
Dumped

Dear Dumped
     I asked my 12 year old daughter for her opinion on your dilemma, and she said: “If her boyfriend flirts with other girls, why does she want to be with him?”

I didn’t have the heart to tell my pre-dating daughter that even the least scummy guy looks at other women on occasion. And many of us who are otherwise “true blue” also like to flirt. Hell, even Nobel Prize winning peanut farming president Jimmy Carter had lust in his heart. But let’s get one thing straight: it’s one thing to flirt, another to fuck. As the old saying goes, between the idea and the act, a whole kingdom lies.

I can’t tell you whether your ex-boyfriend had plans to cheat on you. What I can tell you is that people in healthy relationships usually don’t fret that their partner might stray. They have confidence in themselves and trust in their partner. It’s refreshing (and I dare say a turn on) to see a self-assured girl toss off her lover’s flirtations as harmless fun, and not become insecure by them.

You, on the other hand, sound anything but confident. As I read your letter I sense a clingy, distrustful drama queen, praying that her boyfriend won’t cheat on her. Ironically, demonstrating these attributes is a sure way to get a guy to cheat. Just as, when he leaves, whining and pining for his return is a sure way to keep him away.

If the last paragraph sounds harsh, I’m sorry; but if it rings true, use it as a wake-up call. And then, when you’re wide awake, ask yourself, “Why do I live my dating life in fear?”

Dating with hope is so much more fun, Dumped. For all involved.

Thanks for playing,
John



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