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Dear John,

     For months after my ex and I divorced we couldnít stand being in the same zip code as each other. Lately something strange has happened. He has come around three times and each time we ended up having sex! Why would he want sex if he doesnít want me? Why would I give it when I canít stand him! Stranger yet, while our sex used to be mediocre, now itís HOT! HOT! HOT! I donít know what to think anymore! What gives?

Signed,
Second Timeís a Charm

Dear Second Timeís a Charm
     Hooking up with an ex is more common than you might think. But why hook up with the one person youíre tired of, when the world is now your oyster? One reason is familiarity.

Letís face it, this guy is a comfortable lay for you. With him you can bypass all the anxieties associated with dating. You donít have to wonder if heís an axe murderer, or worry if he likes you, or be anxious about being good enough in bed. You know what youíre getting, and that makes it easier.

Pride is also a part of the equation. It feels good knowing your ex still finds you sexually attractive. If you were the one dumped, his crawling back is an ego boost. If you did the dumping, itís an ego boost to still be able to get what you want.

As for the sex being better, of course it is. Itís forbidden! You are doing something you shouldnít, and what could be more exciting than that? Adding to that, the baggage of your marriage is gone, so you can focus solely on the sex.

No matter how good it is though, having sex with your ex is not a bright idea. If your ex has expressed no desire beyond the sexual, he is probably using you; and you could be using him, too. This arrangement may float your boat for now, but in the future stronger emotions will pull you into deeper waters. And when they do, youíll wish you had spent your time closer to shore, digging for oysters.

Thanks for playing,
John



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