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Dear John,

     My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me after I’d spent at least $ 15,000.00 on him, including money for a car, apartment, furniture, cell phone, gifts for his kids, movies, dinners, etc., etc., etc. I gave everything to this guy. I even divorced my husband of 17 years to be with him. He assured me that we’d be together permanently, and he showed a type of love I’d never felt before. Now he’s broken up with me saying I pushed him away. I don’t feel anything for him anymore. I am deeply hurt emotionally and financially and I want to move on, not because of a broken heart but because I am completely broke! He doesn’t even acknowledge that he used me. I want to know if I have a case to get the money back I spent on him?

Signed,
Not Used to Being Used

Dear Not Used to Being Used
     I’m not a lawyer, but it doesn’t take one to know you have no chance of recouping money you willing spent during the relationship. Maybe if you’d had an oral agreement in place (insert your own joke here), but you didn’t; so swallow your pride and feel the burn of being burned.

The more important thing is figuring out why the connection didn’t work and learning from it. Very rarely is a break up completely one-sided. You admit he showed a love you’d never felt before, so he wasn’t just using you. As well, he mentioned that you had pushed him away, so please look to see if there is validity to that comment.

I applaud the fact that your relationship was based on true emotion instead of money, but it’s possible that your financial inequity helped in the relationship’s downfall. Girls having sugar daddies is a tried and true arrangement, but men’s egos and societal norms make the opposite scenario harder to handle. He may have felt inadequate and grew resentful of the situation and of you, especially if he sensed a cash for commitment stipulation to your largesse. That being said, he accepted the gifts for a long time, so he should man up and pay you back as best he can. Unfortunately, with the relationship ending acrimoniously, that probably won’t happen, and no court will side with you without documentation that you’d provided loans instead of gifts.

Your best bet is to cash out and find somebody you can bank on. Case closed.

Thanks for playing,
John



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